ATTENTION: Important Republican National Convention Bulletin From Mitt Romney And The GOP!

IMPORTANT REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION BULLETIN!

ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA- As all of America is aware, the cities of St. Petersburg and Tampa, Florida were given the profound honor and privilege of hosting the 2012 Republican National Convention during the week of August 23-27, 2012, with the Opening Night Gala being held in the Tropicana Field (background).   As of press time, no official events are scheduled to be held in the true symbol of the state of this nation. (foreground)
Please do not be alarmed if you didn’t receive an invitation to participate in any of the events, this was not an oversight….this is a closed and private party and you are not welcome to attend.
In the city-wide secured and fortified “clean zones”, Republican leadership will broadcast messages of limited government, respect for Constitutional rights and the reduction of wasteful government spending. In order to deliver these messages, the Grand Old Party will rely upon the largest presence of federal and state government agencies and employees that have ever been garrisoned in the cities, fundamental Constitutional rights will be ignored and millions of taxpayer dollars will be taken from Americans who are suffering.   These are all necessary accommodations under The Patriot Act.
The convention itself will have an estimated $50 million dollar economic impact on the community, with that economic impact being paid for with money that came from federal tax dollars and paid for by you, the American taxpayer in the form of a grant given to the City of Tampa. In consultation with the FBI, CIA, NSA, TSA, Federal Marshals, Secret Service and all branches of the United States Military, the majority of this money will be used to turn Tampa and St. Petersburg into heavily fortified and radically militarized war zones.
Special care and attention has been paid to ensure that the critical message of Republican party unity isn’t interrupted by members of the GOP party who refuse to wear the official uniforms of the party and who refuse to take the sacred oaths and commit to reflexive memory the codes, creeds and anthems of the party.   To that end, the Tampa Fairgrounds was directed to repudiate and refuse to contract with supporters of Republican Party candidate Ron Paul who wished to hold a Celebration of Peace and Republican Party Principles at the far outskirts of the city limits.   To insure the spiritual and philosophical purity of the convention and to ensure that these party interlopers are not permitted to spontaneously congregate, the assembled state and federal security forces will be stationed at the perimeter of the cities and given authority under the National Defense Authorization Act of 2012 to detain any citizen who is unwelcome.   Those that refuse to submit to detention and secret rendition may be shot on site.
Citizens who live within the city-wide secure zones are directed and ordered to maintain their composure and respect for the party at all times.   During the entry and exit processionals, all citizens are ordered and directed to stand in the public right of way nearest the professional parade route no later than one hour before each scheduled event. Ladies are expected to dress in appropriately modest attire while all men over the age of 16 must wear a starched, long sleeved, bleached white shirt.   Children must be appropriately groomed and must never be permitted to leave the side of their parents.   Infants must be fully clothed, properly rested and fed no later than 30 minutes before the processional arrives.   Civilian staff of the Department of Homeland Security will deliver flags to each household, and each member will enthusiastically and proudly waive said flags throughout the parade events.
The official national press corps will be on hand throughout the week to document the majesty and glory of the event to the nation.   No unlicensed broadcast or dissemination of event commentary or opinion shall be permitted.   To that end, and pursuant to Executive Order 77614, ASSIGNMENT OF NATIONAL SECURITY AND EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS COMMUNICATIONS FUNCTIONS entered on July 7, 2012, all forms of broadcast and information distribution including email, internet, broadcast and radio transmission will be suspended within the convention cities.
Please be prepared to accept additional briefings, instructions and restrictions in the following weeks.
Absolute and explicit compliance with this, and all other Bulletins and Directives is an essential element in the continued receipt of God’s blessing and favor for this nation, for your family and for your soul.
Mitt Romney and the Executive Council of the Republican National Party.